Monday, September 5, 2016

To the guy that I really like right now

This is very hard for me to say out loud but I really like you. It may seem weird because you are normally not like the other guys that I like. I normally like douches and you are nothing like that. You are one of the sweetest and nicest guys that I have met. We both like football and baseball. And we both want to be teachers.  I never realized it until recently but we like almost the same stuff. I guess I just now realized it because we have talked more the last 2 weeks than we have the 3 years we have known each other. I really like talking to you and when you take a long time to reply or when you don't text me first, things go through my mind. I think that I bothered you, annoyed you, or you just found someone better.

Three years ago when we met, we just clicked. You got me hooked on Supernatural and you just hung out with me in the mornings. And then during tour season, you helped me every morning set up for the tours. I guess my feelings went away the year we didn't see each other but they came back when you started talking to me.

I don't trust a lot of people. I have told you stuff that I haven't told a lot of people. I have put my feelings on the line for you. I haven't done that in awhile because I know that my feelings will get hurt. I love talking to you. We never run out of things to talk about. We can talk from when we wake up to when we go to sleep. When you don't text me first, it scares me. I reread the messages I sent before to see if I said something that would of upset you or made you mad at me. 

Every time I talk to you, I like you more and it scares me. It scares me because you could leave any moment and I'm going to be hurt again. Like always. I've been hurt too many times and I don't think I can handle being hurt again. It took a long time for me to be myself again after the last guy. And I really don't think I am myself anymore. 

I have laughed and smiled more these past two weeks than I have the last couple of months. I pretended to be happy but I don't think I was really happy until I started talking to you again. I'm scared that you are going to grow tired of talking to me and leave or find someone better to talk to. And I will be happy for you and understand. But it's going to hurt really bad.

You may never see this or even realize that it is you but I just had to get this out in the open. It's been on my heart the last couple of days and I realized that I needed to get this out of my heart. This post is a mess but I just had to get all of this out. 

To end, I just want to say thank you for being there and just being your amazing self. 

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