Friday, February 24, 2017

Dear ex-almost

Dear ex-almost something,

I really don't know what to call you. You are an ex-something. But you aren't an ex-boyfriend because we never dated. I could call you my ex-friend but we were more than friends.

I'm just gonna settle with ex-almost something because that is what you were. We were almost something.

For 4 months, we made and canceled dates. We never did go on one the entire 4 months that we were talking. And that was upsetting. I really wanted to go out with you but something always got in the way. I told my friends that you were really busy and that we would make time. We never did. I defended you towards my friends. I told them that you were a great guy and that you really liked me. I told them that we would have gone out at some point. My friends all told me to leave before I got hurt. I didn't leave. I was there until you left.

You were the first guy in a long time that I felt comfortable with and wanted to be with. I trusted you when you said that you weren't going to hurt me. You really did hurt me.

We were friends for 3 years and I never did know that you liked me. And now, I don't even know if we are friends anymore. And it hurts because you were my friend for a long time. Feelings sometimes get in the way and we lose friends because of it.

I still remember the day that I met you. I think that it was one-morning while I was Terri's office. That is where we would always meet up and talk. We would meet in the lounge and watch Supernatural together and talk. And then we would move to Terri's office. Those moments and talks were amazing. That was where our friendship grew. During tour season, we worked together amazing. You were the reason that I got up there so early to put stuff out for tours. I got there early so I could help you and we could just get alone time. Time for us to relax and just talk. We have a lot in common and I think that is one reason why we would have worked out great as a couple. We then lost contact for a year and reconnected at the beginning of this year.

We will never know what would have come out of us. I would like to think that a relationship would have come out of it but I will never know now.

I told you about guys leaving and not thinking that I was good enough. You told me that you would never leave me and that you would never hurt me on purpose. But you did, in fact, hurt me. You didn't hurt me physically. But you hurt me mentally and emotionally. I don't think that I can talk to you without feeling hurt or anything again.

I did learn lessons through you. I learned that a guy is supposed to want to go out with me. And that it doesn't take 3 months to plan a date. I settled and lower my standards for you. You were really one of the best things that every happened to me. You taught me how to be happy and feel loved again. Those 4 months, were the happiest months for me. I wanted to talk to you day and night. I wanted to get to know you.

I am so glad that you were my almost person. You were the person that I turned to. If someday, that something happens, then I will be happy. If it doesn't then, that is fine too.

You probably would never see this post but I needed to write it. I needed to get you out of my mind.


The girl that would have gave you the world

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