Thursday, October 20, 2016

Losing a love one

Losing a loved one is heartbreaking especially if it is suddenly. There has been a lot of people that I know of that died really suddenly. My grandfather died suddenly in 2009. Nobody knew that it was going to happen. I talked to him on a Saturday night and then he died Tuesday morning. I think he knew that he was going to die but I didn't. I wasn't prepared. That Saturday night he talked to my whole family on the phone and told us that he loved us and was so proud of us. We hadn't seen him for 2 weeks before he died because we had the flu for a week and he had just got the flu. And then that Tuesday morning my mom got a call that he was gone. He had been at the dialysis place because of his kidneys and he choked on a lemon head. When they tried to do CPR on him, his chest cavity just collapsed. He was a block from the hospital.

We don't know when we are going to die. Only God knows. And it really does hurt when it happens because we may feel regret. Maybe we didn't spend enough time with them or said the wrong thing. I am thankful that I got 13 years with my grandfather but I feel sorry for my brother's and cousins because they didn't get that much time with him. I did. I was at his house all of the time. I helped him cook and we had recipes that were ours together. Since I spent so often at his house, I had to learn what medicine to give him and what to do if his sugar got too high or too low. I had to learn how to give him his insulin shots. I was five years old when I learned this. I wouldn't trade learning it though because it helped me become prepared as I grew older and stayed with him more.

My grandfather was amazing. He was a Godly man and loved his children and grandchildren. He was sick a lot, though. There were nights where we stayed at the hospital because we didn't know if he would even make it through the night. We traveled to Birmingham with him a lot. He had several heart attacks so that resulted in heart surgeries and bypasses. He had both legs amputated below the knee but that didn't stop him. He could also sing and I miss that. I miss getting a call on my birthday and having him sing to me. I so wish that I could have recorded it. He always kept a smile on his face and that was inspiring.

I wish that I could have had more time with him. There are things that I never experienced with him. There are moments where I miss him so much and want to see him. I sometimes pick up my phone to call him and then I remember that he isn't here anymore. When that happens, I pray to God to give me strength. And he does. He helps me remember that my grandfather is not in pain anymore. He is happy because he is with our Lord and Savior.

These are the things that I will never/never experienced with him:

1) He never did see me graduate high school
2) He didn't get to see me at prom.
3) He will never get to see me graduate college.
4) He won't be there when I get married or engaged.
5) My kids will never know him but I will tell them about him.
6) He will never meet the man that will hold my heart.

These are the things that I did experience with him:

1) My first birthday, Christmas, holidays.
2) My first day of Kindergarten.
3) My Kindergarten graduation.
4) My 5th-grade graduation.
5) 13 years of my life.

I love and miss you so much Poppie. Can't wait to see you again.

This was so hard to write and I am thankful that I get to share this with yall. Thank you for reading this.

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